I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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