I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
