I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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