i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
