THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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