Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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