Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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