Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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