you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
