Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
