I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
