I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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