Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
