he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
