i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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