Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
