Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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