You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
