I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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