4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
