I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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