i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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