so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
