During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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