I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
