i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
