my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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