So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
