apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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