i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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