Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
