So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
