so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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