Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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