how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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