Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
