He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
