I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
