Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
