we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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