theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
