I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
