i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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