my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Randomize
