Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
