i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
