4 words: hood of his car
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
