i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
