i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
