I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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