he puts the penis in happiness.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
