yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did I show you my penis last night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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