She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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