i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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