don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Such a big mess for such a small penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
