My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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