it's like iHOP with fire
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
