Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
