he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
