yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We have started to decorate penises.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
